Fun and entertainment are requisite of every living. Read on the following funny quotes to add spice, smiles, joys, entertainment and fun to your life.

May those who love us love us,
and those who do not love us,
may God turn their hearts,
and if He cannot turn their hearts
may He turn their ankles
that we may know them by their limping.

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance.

There are three faithful friends-an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

I can resist everything except temptation.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they’re going to catch you in next.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.

The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. Today is the last day of some of your life.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Without geography, you’re nowhere.

A rich man’s joke is always funny.

It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.

Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.

Age is a number and mine is unlisted.

Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

In the end it’s not the years in your life that count it’s the life in your years

Few women admit their age, few men act theirs

It takes a long time to grow young

Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

The old believe everything; the middle aged suspect everything: the young know everything

The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age

Your birthday is a special time to celebrate the gift of YOU to the world

Love is grand, divorce is a hundred grand

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once

Birthdays are good for you, statistics show the people who have the most live longest

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m five I’ll be 64.

Looking fifty is great - if you’re sixty.

Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred.

To me, old age is always 20 years older than I am.

When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.

Often it is fatal to live too long

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

Birthdays are like busses, never the number you want.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

Man loves little and often. Woman much and rarely.

You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

For the love of God, folks, don’t do this at home.

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?

There’s a certain part of the contented majority who love anybody who is worth a billion dollars.

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.

It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time.

The bravest thing that men do is love women.

Love is blind — marriage is the eye-opener.

I love making friends…. its people I can’t stand.

Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.

I need you too know our friendship means a lot - If you cry then I cry, if you laugh. if you jump out the window I look down then….I laugh again.

We English are good at forgiving our enemies; it releases us from the obligation of liking our friends.

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself, to keep his friends in countenance.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

I have had, and may have still, a thousand friends, as they are called, in life, who are like one’s partners in the waltz of this world –not much remembered when the ball is over.

I got a lotta best friends. Some o’ them I don’t even hardly know!

We make our friends; we make our enemies; but God makes our next-door neighbour.

Be a friend to yourself and others will be so too.

I hate it in friends when they come too late to help.

One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.

I hate it in friends when they come too late to help.. Robert C. Edwards - Never exaggerate your faults, your friends will attend to that.

I have lost friends, some by death, others through sheer inability to cross the street.

Treat your friends as you do your pictures and place them in their best light.

Money couldn’t buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.

Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses

I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies all right. But my damn friends-they’re the ones that keep me walking the floor nights!

A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative.

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”

The best time to make friends is before you need them

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.

I am what I am.

Foolish Mortals

I love children

These are my dress clothes

The world is going to hell and I ma driving the bus

Resistance is futile

I do all of my own nude scenes

Deceptively normal looking

Contents under extreme pressure It wasn’t me

I do what the voices in my wife’s head tell me to do

I do what the voices in my pants tell me to do

I’m sorry my fault.

I forgot you were an idiot.

Objects in the shirt are larger than they appear

Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice

I do all my own stunts

Wanna make out?

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition

I only cry when republicans hold me

No sense in being pessimistic. It wouldn’t work anyway!

I can only please one person a day today isn’t your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either!

Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive. I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

Where there’s a will… I want to be in it. People like you are the reason we have middle fingers.

It is what it is

Don’t you wish your boyfriend is like me?

Hard work has a future payoff Laziness pays off now. Eat lightning and crap thunder

Drop it like it’s hot

All men are idiots and I married their king.

Draw a circle, not a heart, around the one you love because a heart can break but a circle goes on forever.

I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine’s day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning. Guys, it’s these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.

It takes more then lace and ribbons And lovely verses too To make a Valentine thats nice enough for you It takes a world of special thoughts tucked into every line and that’s exactly what you’ll find inside this valentine.

I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.

May this Valentine’s Day be filled with love, understanding, and contentment as you journey through life with those you hold dear

Life’s greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved.”

Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.

It takes one eye opened to meet your true love, but both eyes closed to keep them

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.

Love is pulling together against all odds.

I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

When two people cannot see too much of each other nor too little of other people, they`re in love .

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birthday sayings - Find a collection of Quotes for birthdays. ]]> http://www.funnysayings.org/resources.htm/feed http://www.funnysayings.org/contact-us.htm http://www.funnysayings.org/contact-us.htm#comments Tue, 09 Sep 2008 07:16:24 +0000 Admin http://www.funnysayings.org/?p=33 mobitechindia@gmail.com

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