Always forgive your enemies – Nothing annoys them so much.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic and so am I.
Bill Murray (What about Bob)
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
"Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.”
Uncle Buck
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
You know, you haven’t stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.
Groucho in ‘Duck Soup’
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I’m so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.
Arthur
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
You know what the trouble about real life is? There’s no danger music.
Jim Carrey
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.